Maddog, You're going about this all wrong. But it's not a problem that can't be fixed. lemme give you some pointers. 1)This is important, so pay attention. You are not the hunter in this little quest. You, my friend, are the prey. The female of our species is a timid and lazy hunter. They will stay at home on the sofa, whine pitifully to their best friends about their lack of success, all the while expecting that 10 point buck to walk into the back yard, come up to the door and ring the bell and announce himself. All is not lost, however. You can seek them out in their habitat. Sorry, they won't hunt you on your turf. There are many different varieties of the animal known as femalus singletas,so to get the right one, you'll have to go to the right watering hole. They travel in packs, rarely if ever venturing out alone. And this seeingly docile and shy creature can turn at a moments notice into a viscous wild animal, so always approach with caution. 2) The best place to begin your search is a church function. I know you said there aren't any of "child bearing age" in your church. First of all, don't ever, ever, and I mean never use the term "child bearing age" again. You aren't going to a sale barn, brother, you're dealing with wild game. Things like that scare off a creature as skiddish as the female. Just because she wants children, and she is young enough, don't say it. You say "child bearing age", but she hears "brood cow". I will not be responsible for what happens next-consider yourself warned. Your rural church is too small. In the bigger towns they have churches with single ministries that sponsor social events of the type you require. Ask your pastor to keep you up to date. 3) Once you find one of these soirees,make sure you go properly prepared for combat. Throw away that list. Don't lie to me, you know the one I'm talking about. Certain height, weight, hair color, etc. The best part of her is what you can't see, anyway. No, not that, I'm talking about her heart. If you've followed my advice and gone to a church sponsored function, you will most likely find a good girl with traditional values and principles. Don't forget, she's sizing you up,too, and that brings me to my next point. 4)Don't dress, talk, or act like a farmer. It ain't cute and she doesn't care about what you do at this stage of the hunt. Sure, you're proud of what you do, but that's not the part of you that she's interested in right now. If you think that being a farmer is some type of lure, forget it. Doctor, dentist, oil tycoon, sure. Farmer, sorry, no. When she asks what you do to make a buck tell her, if she gets a look on her face like she just stepped in something, well, she wasn't for you anyway. What I'm talking about is this: Don't wear that new cap you got at the implement dealer. Take that cowboy hat off too. You aint' a cowboy, and yeah I know it's a Stetson, but it's bad manners to wear it indoors. Shave. Get a haircut. Don't wear bluejeans. look like you've got some class, she'll find out soon enough that you don't but by then it'll be too late for her. 5) This is what most consider the most difficult-indeed most frightening-step. You must approach the female and engage her in conversation. Don't be intimidated by the size of her pack! They can smell fear! Just go up and open your mouth and let words come out. Name rank and serial number. She has to answer. "But what will I sayIJ" you ask. Whatever you want. Art, literature, politics, those are all good. It'll be easier if I give you a list of things to avoid: your truck, your health (i.e. a rash) anything about farm machinery and especially old girlfriends. If you compliment her, make sure it's genuine, like: "Those earings are sure pretty, they match your blue eyes". If she has brown eyes you're toast, game over, do not pass Go,do not collect $200. The female will see right through this obvious ploy. Unlike us, they are much smarter than they look. If you're sincere she'll giggle nervously and fidget, claim it's not true, those are just some old things she dug out that she hasn't worn in years, but all the while she's thinking,"He's almost in the crosshairs...just a few more inches..." From then on she'll take over, you're almost in her little snare. Then you too, like the rest of us, will follow like sheap to the shearers....all the while thinking that we are in control... DON'T BE FOOlED SON! That's why it's ooo sooo important to get trapped by a good one. 6)Here's a bonus point. Since you are a livestock farmer I'm going to give you this one. Sometime around calving season, bring her around the place. let her hold a piglett or bottle feed a calf. After all, she's a girl and they've got that nurture thing going on all the time. She'll get a look on her face like she's ten and squeal, "look at me, I'm milking a cow!" or whatever task you talk her into doing. Don't let on that she's not the first woman in the history of the world to do that. If she doesn't like it, or won't show any interest in the farm at that point(mind you, this is after a few dates),take her back where you found her. Joeman
look on the bright side, no wife,IJ no mother in law! Plus, it is easier to operate your Gleaner than a wife and inlaws........we can tell you about and solve your Gleaner problems...... so ... ARE YOU FEllING lESS DEPRESSED YETIJ